Some of My Favorite Kolkata Bongisms

Thanda lege jaabe. Translation: You will catch a cold. Bengalis love Nature. After all, about 36.4% of their rhymeless poems, scribbled on the back of cigarette cartons and paper napkins, are about its assorted glories. (The rest are about Prem or love). But Nature, the heartless seductress, remains cold to them. Literally. Wise men have not been able to find out what exactly it is about the Bengali genetic structure that makes them as susceptible to the common cold as Raina is to the short ball. Whatever be the reason, Bengalis are mortally afraid of catching the chill. And for good reason. Which is why when the mercury dips oh-so-slightly, you will find them wandering about in gear that would look excessive at the North Pole—brown monkey-caps, grey sweaters (typically called “pullovers”) yards of mufflers and woolen socks. The Bengali might keep the windows of his mind open (like the legendary Sidhu-jyatha of Feluda lore) but, come spring, will definitely keep the windows of his room closed. Because the first breeze of spring, as his grandmother used to tell them, is deadly (praanghati).

Season change hocche. Translation: It is because of season change. Ask a Bengali why his nose is running or why he is substance-abusing on Crocins. The answer will most likely be “Season change.” No one questions the logic by which seasons change every day of the year, or how one perceives the changing of season in a place like Kolkata, or for that matter, how exactly does any change of season bring about different maladies. No one asks. Because they themselves are too busy being sick. From season change.

Moshaari tangano hoyeche? Translation: Have you deployed the mosquito net? Bengalis may not believe in God. But they sure do believe in the magical powers of the mosquito net, the closest they can come to possessing Harry’s Invisibility Cloak. If a nuclear device is ever dropped on Kolkata or a meteor decides to hurtle towards us (unlikely an event that is, since cosmic bodies, following the example of industries, avoid this part of the world), Bengalis will, without breaking a sweat, go into their mosquito nets, convinced that the bomb or meteor will bounce off like a stubborn mosquito. Now if it could only have protected us against season change…

Bokachoda..Translation: Moronic Fornicator.If there is one Bengali word a non-Bengali knows, it is this. The iconic swear-word is the Bong F-word. Depending on the context and the way in which you say it, it can convey anger, wonderment, sadness, disappointment, arousal, excitement or joy. As an added advantage, you can take out the “Boka” and attach different pre-fixes (“pagla” [mad], “chagol” [goat], “chomchom” [a sweet]) behind the “Choda” and each combination becomes a lethal swear-word, a perfect example of code reuse. So great has been the influence of this word that one of the first websites in India to be banned (the owner was also arrested) was bokachoda.com (around 1999) for its anti-CPM and sometimes anti-Bengali vitriol.

Horlicks kheyecho? Translation: Did you drink your Horlicks? That Horlicks is the secret behind the sturdy Bengali constitution is well known. What gets less attention is its contribution to the copyrighted Bengali male seduction technique. While many think that the awesomeness of the Bengali man’s kiss comes from practice acquired through a lifetime of slurping hot tea from a saucer, the truth is slightly different. It is Horlicks. As Prasenjit, the doyen of Bengali movies, has said.

Two actors, who don’t know each other and have to do a liplock that can stretch to 11-12 minutes. So between the takes I would go to her and say, “Have one biscuit or some Horlicks”

Yes. Horlicks and a thin arrowroot biscuit. Their mixture of carefully balanced nutrients provides stamina for lip-lock-outs . Furthermore, sharing a cup of Horlicks and biscuits, like oysters and wine, sets the mood for intimacy. And accept it, there is nothing a woman likes more than the intoxicating mixture of undissolved Horlicks clumps and Marie biscuit fragments off the lips of one’s paramour. (For further proof of the impact of Horlicks on the Bengali pysche, please see this [clip in Bengali])

Oh ma/ Baba re Translation: Oh mother/Daddyy. Nyakamo. The eyelid fluttering, back-arching, “I am a woman but yet a girl” faux-femininity that Kolkata Bengali females are famous for. And nothing says “nyaka” more than the “Oh ma/Baba re” at the beginning of every third sentence, almost as if every moment of existence is too much of a burden for these lovely ladies. Broken nail. Bad hair-day. Domestic help late for work. Terrorists massacre thirty. For everything the response is canned. “Oh ma/Baba re”.

Sob USA-te export howe jacche. Translation: Everything is getting exported to USA. In the Bengali dictionary of causology, the imperialists/USA were usually held responsible for everything bad, from rising prices to Mohun Bagan losing to Salgaoncar. (Now of course the imperialists have been replaced by Maoist/CPM, as per dictat of our great and glorious leader.) The black hand of unbridled capitalism was seen everywhere, particularly in the rising prices of essential commodities like hilsa fish, shrimp and mangoes. According to Bengalis, prices would have remained at the 50s level (1850s) had it not been for greedy “bourgeois” merchants exporting all these essentials to the US. Pretty logical I felt. Till I came over to the US where I find fish from Costa Rica and mangoes from Mexico, leading me to wonder, “Where do all those exports vanish?”

Dada ki party koren? Translation: Do you party sir? In other parts of the world, the word “partying” brings up images of beer boots, wet Tshirt contests, sandwich dances and overall debauchery. In Bengal, partying means sitting on dusty wooden chairs below large pictures of Marx and Lenin and discussing the fate of the Sandanistas and setting the question papers for the Board exams. In the 80s and the 90s, the “Party” meant the Communist Party of India Marxist and whether you were “in” or “out” of it determined whether you were “in” or “out” of the pyramid scheme of privilege that the “Party” was. Now of course the value of the “Party” variable has changed. Nothing much else.

(Source: http://greatbong.net/2012/05/19/some-of-my-favorite-kolkata-bongisms/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+greatbong%2FkMBB+%28Random+Thoughts+of+a+Demented+Mind%29&utm_content=Google+Reader)

The Legendary Lungi

Just as the national bird of Kerala is Mosquito, her national dress is 'Lungi'. Pronounced as 'Lu' as in loo and 'ngi ' as in 'mongey', a lungi can be identified by its floral or window-curtain pattern. 'Mundu' is the white variation of lungi and is worn on special occasions like hartal or bandh days, weddings and Onam.

Lungi is simple and 'down to earth' like the mallu wearing it. Lungi is the beginning and the end of evolution in its category.You cant provide it with gills to allow it to breathe more freely .Wearing something on the top half of your body is optional when you are wearing a lungi. Lungi is a strategic dress. It's like a one-size-fits-all bottoms for Keralites.

The technique of wearing a lungi/mundu is passed on from generation to generation through word of mouth like the British Constitution. If you think it is an easy task wearing it, just try it once! It requires techniques like breath control and yoga that is a notch higher than sudarshan kriya of AOL. A lungi/mundu when perfectly worn won't come off even in a quake of 8 on the richter scale. A lungi is not attached to the waist using duct tape, staple, rope or velcro. It's a bit of mallu magic whose formula is a closely guarded secret like the Coca Cola chemicals.

A lungi can be worn 'Full Mast' or 'Half Mast' like a national flag. A 'Full Mast' lungi is when you are showing respect to an elderly or the dead. Wearing it at full mast has lots of disadvantages. A major disadvantage is when a dog runs after you. When you are wearing a lungi/mundu at full mast, the advantage is mainly for the female onlookers who are spared the ordeal of swooning at the sight of hairy legs.

Wearing a lungi 'Half Mast' is when you wear it exposing yourself like those C grade movie starlets. A mallu can play cricket, football or simbly run when the lungi is worn at half mast. A mallu can even climb a coconut tree wearing lungi in half mast. "It's not good manners, especially for ladies from decent families, to look up at a mallu climbing a coconut tree"- Confucius (or is it Abdul Kalam?)
Most mallus do the traditional dan
ce kudiyattam. Kudi means drinking alcohol and yattam, spelled as aattam, means random movement of the male body. Note that 'y' is silent. When you are drinking, you drink, there is no 'y'. Any alcohol related "festival" can be enjoyed to the maximum when you are topless with lungi and a towel tied around the head. "Half mast lungi makes it easy to dance and shake legs" says Candelaria Amaranto, a Salsa teacher from Spain after watching 'kudiyaattam' ..

The 'Lungi Wearing Mallu Union' [LUWMU, pronounced LOVE MU], an NGO which works towards the 'upliftment' of the lungi, strongly disapprove of the GenNext tendency of wearing Bermudas under the lungi. Bermudas under the lungi is a conspiracy by the CIA. It's a disgrace to see a person wearing burmuda with corporate logos under his lungi. What they don't know is how much these corporates are limiting their freedom of movement and ex-pression.

A mallu wears lungi round the year, all weather, all season. A mallu celebrates winter by wearing a colourful lungi with a floral pattern. Lungi provides good ventilation and brings down the heat between legs. A mallu is scared of global warming more than anyone else in the world.

A lungi/mundu can be worn any time of the day/night. It doubles as blanket at night. It also doubles up as a swing, swimwear, sleeping bag, parachute, facemask while entering/exiting toddy shops, shopping basket and water filter while fishing in ponds and rivers. It also has recreational uses like in 'Lungi/mundu pulling', a pastime in households having more than one male member. Lungi pulling competitions are held outside toddy shops all over Kerala during Onam and Vishu. When these lungis are decommissioned from service, they become table cloths. Thus the humble lungi is a cradle to grave appendage.


(An anonymous piece)

BEER-ONOMICS - The Tax System in Beer (aka Bar Stool Economics)

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100.

If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.



So, that's what they decided to do.

The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve ball.

"Since you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20". Drinks for the ten men would now cost just $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes.

So the first four men were unaffected.

They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men - the paying customers?

How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his fair share?

They realised that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer!

So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by a higher percentage the poorer he was, to follow the principle of the tax system they had been using, and he proceeded to work out the amounts he suggested that each should now pay.

And so the fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% saving).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33% saving).
The seventh now paid $5 instead of $7 (28% saving).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% saving).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% saving).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% saving).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But, once outside the bar, the men began to compare their savings.

"I only got a dollar out of the $20 saving," declared the sixth man.
He pointed to the tenth man,"but he got $10!"

"Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar too. It's unfair that he got ten times more benefit than me!"

"That's true!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $10 back, when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!"

"Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison, "we didn't get anything at all. This new tax system exploits the poor!"

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had their beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important.

They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, boys and girls, journalists and government ministers, is how our tax system works.

The people who already pay the highest taxes will naturally get the most benefit from a tax reduction.

Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore.

In fact, they might start drinking overseas, where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier!

Cheers!

Facebooked!

On July 21,2010 company founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg made a very significant announcement on the official Facebook blog: "As of this morning, 500 million people all around the world are actively using Facebook to stay connected with their friends and the people around them." The number is mind boggling - consider this - this means that 12.5% of the world's population (i.e. 1 in 12 people on the planet!) are on Facebook!

People today perhaps don't remember a time before Facebook - and that's both scary and fascinating. Future generations will be more and more accepting of sharing their lives on the Internet, which has its obvious pros and cons. At the other end of the spectrum, whenour generation grows old and wants to look back on our lives, we won't need an old crusty photo album and Greenday to sing:
So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while.

We will simply use whatever popular device at the time that lets us flip through our life's history as aggregated from decades of social sharing.

Facebook has been at the forefront of paving the way for that future. It has taken 77 months for Facebook to go from 0 to 500 million and the company shows little sign of slowing, even with many leaving the network over privacy issues. The truth is, there is no viable alternative yet.

Anyway here are some fun Facebook stories of what could have been if the FB existed back in the day. I strongly urge you to click on the images below and see the larger image

Starting off with a classic:
Kokonad Sinha's Facebook RamayanDo click on the link below to see the entire PDF file - trust me it's worth it!
http://www.themattefinish.com/blog/2009/08/if-the-ramayan-were-on-facebook/

Krish Ashok's Facebook Mahabharata
Source:
http://krishashok.wordpress.com/2007/11/29/facebook-mahabharatha/


If Shakespeare were on FB, this is what his pages would look like...

Hamlet

Titus Andronicus

Romeo & JulietClick here to read: Macbeth - The Facebook Version

Puck's page (A Midsummer Night's Dream)


... and finally this one, from a forward I got today:

Horses' Ass!

The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number.

Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates designed the US railroads.

Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.

Why did 'they' use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they had used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.

Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.

So who built those old rutted roads? Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (including England) for their legions. Those roads have been used ever since.

And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels.

Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Therefore the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. Bureaucracies live forever.
So the next time you are handed a specification/ procedure/ process and wonder 'What horse's ass came up with this?' you may be exactly right. Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses.


Now, the O'Henrian twist to the story: When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah.

The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds.

So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass. And you thought being a horse's ass wasn't important? Ancient horse's asses control almost everything!

The Salary Theorem

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Do the following situations look familiar?
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Here's why...

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Corollary
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Proof
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Case Study: Indian Government Expenditure on MPs' Salaries

Salary & Govt. Concessions for a Member of Parliament (MP)

Monthly Salary: INR 12,000

Expense for Constitution per month: INR 10,000

Office expenditure per month: INR 14,000

Traveling concession (Rs. 8 per km): INR 48,000
(e.g. For a visit from Kerala to Delhi & return: 6000 km)

Daily DA TA during parliament meets: INR 500/day

Charge for 1 class (A/C) in train: Free
(For any number of times - All over India)

Charge for Business Class in flights: Free for 40 trips / year
(With wife or P.A.)

Rent for MP hostel at Delhi : Free

Electricity costs at home : Free up to 50,000 units

Local phone call charge : Free up to 1 ,70,000 calls.

TOTAL expense for a MP [having no qualification] per year : INR 32, 00,000
[ i.e. INR 2.66 lakh /month]

TOTAL expense for 5 years: INR 1, 60, 00,000

For 534 MPs, the expense for 5 years: nearly INR 855 cores

And the PM wants CEOs to Cut their salaries!

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Note: This theorem does not hold good for CEOs
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Quod Erat Demonstrandum :)

Historical Insults

Part 2 of my 'research' on insults is actually a forward I got a couple of days back. These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words that we liberally use... :)

Kicking off with some classics from the incomparable Sir Winston Churchill who was know for his sharp wit and even sharper tongue...


"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill on Sir Stafford Cripps

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

The exchange between Churchill & Bernard Shaw:
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.: "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one."
Winston Churchill, in response: "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."

This one is unconfirmed but is very relevant, isn't it? "Americans always do the right thing, just as soon as they are done trying everything else"

Here are 2 gems from across the Atlantic...

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain


And back to Britannia for the rest, resuming with a few of Oscar's wild ones!
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S.Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Count Talleyrand Charles

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

Shakespearean Insults

This one is for all budding hip hop stars and rapsters - so you think you know a foul word or two? Shakespeare, even with his insults, put downs and cussing, was most certainly a master of his trade!



Shakespeare Insult 1 - As You Like It

Thou art like a toad; ugly and venemous.

Shakespeare Insult 2 - The Two Gentlemen of Verona

Thou subtle, perjur'd, false, disloyal man!

Shakespeare Insult 3 - The Tempest

Thine forward voice, now, is to speak well of thine friend; thine backward voice is to utter foul speeches and to detract.

Shakespeare Insult 4 - Measure For Measure

Thou art a flesh-monger, a fool and a coward.

Shakespeare Insult 5 - All's Well That Ends Well

A most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise breaker, the owner of no one good quality.

Shakespeare Insult 6 - Cymbeline

Thy tongue outvenoms all the worms of Nile.

Shakespeare Insult 7 - Henry IV Part 2

You scullion! You rampallian! You fustilarian! I'll tickle your catastrophe!

Shakespeare Insult 8 - All's Well That Ends Well

Methink'st thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee.

Shakespeare Insult 9 - The Winter's Tale

My wife's a hobby horse!

Shakespeare Insult 10 - Troilus and Cressida

Thou art as loathsome as a toad.

Shakespeare Insult 11 - Macbeth

Go, prick thy face, and over-red thy fear, Thou lily-liver'd boy.

Shakespeare Insult 12 - Henry IV Part 1

Thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson obscene greasy tallow-catch!

Shakespeare Insult 13 - Measure for Measure

A flesh monger, a fool, and a coward.

Shakespeare Insult 14 - Henry IV Part 1

That trunk of humours, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that grey Iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years?

Shakespeare Insult 15 - Henry IV Part 1

You starvelling, you eel-skin, you dried neat's-tongue, you bull's-pizzle, you stock-fish--O for breath to utter what is like thee!-you tailor's-yard, you sheath, you bow-case, you vile standing tuck!

Shakespeare Insult 16 - Henry IV Part 1

Peace, ye fat guts!

Shakespeare Insult 17 - Henry V

There's no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune.

Shakespeare Insult 18 - Richard III

Thou poisonous bunch-back'd toad!

Shakespeare Insult 19 - Richard III

Thou art unfit for any place but hell.

Shakespeare Insult 20 - Hamlet

Thou are pigeon-liver'd and lack gall.

Shakespeare Insult 21 - All's Well That Ends Well

Your virginity breeds mites, much like a cheese.

Shakespeare Insult 22 - Henry V

Thine face is not worth sunburning.

Shakespeare Insult 23 - As You Like It

Your brain is as dry as the remainder biscuit after voyage.

Shakespeare Insult 24 - Henry IV Part

You are as a candle, the better burnt out.

Shakespeare Insult 25 - Hamlet

If thou wilt needs marry, marry a fool; for wise men know well enough what monsters you make of them.

Shakespeare Insult 26 - Measure For Measure

Thy sin's not accidental, but a trade.

Shakespeare Insult 27 - Cymbeline

Thy tongue outvenoms all the worms of Nile.

Shakespeare Insult 28 - All's Well That Ends Well

Your virginity breeds mites, much like a cheese.

Shakespeare Insult 29 - All's Well That Ends Well

A most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise breaker, the owner of no one good quality.

Shakespeare Insult 30 - Henry IV part 2

You scullion! You rampallian! You fustilarian! I'll tickle your catastrophe!

Shakespeare Insult 31 - Macbeth

Go, prick thy face, and over-red thy fear, Thou lily-liver'd boy.

Shakespeare Insult 32 - All's Well That Ends Well

Methink'st thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee.

Shakespeare Insult 33 - Troilus and Cressida

Thou art as loathsome as a toad.

Shakespeare Insult 34 - Measure for Measure

A flesh monger, a fool, and a coward.

Shakespeare Insult 35 - Henry IV part 1

Thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson obscene greasy tallow-catch!

Shakespeare Insult 36 - Henry IV part 1

That trunk of humours, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that grey Iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years?

Shakespeare Insult 37 - Henry IV part 1

You starvelling, you eel-skin, you dried neat's-tongue, you bull's-pizzle, you stock-fish--O for breath to utter what is like thee!-you tailor's-yard, you sheath, you bow-case, you vile standing tuck!

Source: http://www.nosweatshakespeare.com/resources/shakespeare-insults.htm

Yeh Dilli Hain Meri Jaan

You know when one is from Delhi when:

1. ...they drink only on Monday , Wednesday , and Thursday to Sunday evenings. And try not drinking on Tuesday

2. ...treating a friend means - Daaru Shaaru te kabbab shabbab.

3. ...even in the most posh colonies, you hear, "Aloo lelo! Bhindi le lo! Pyaaz le lo! Tamatar le lo!"

4. ... And you hear women asking the vegetable vendor "Bhaiyaa dhaniya hari mirchi nahi diya!" [Even with Half a kilo Carrot - Dhania & Hari Mirch is expected free ] ;-)

5. ... a place to meet is moc-ha, (CCD), Barista, Hookah

6. ... they use the word "setting" or "jugad" at-least once a day.

7. … they have not visited any of the following – Qutub Minar, Red Fort, Lotus Temple. It is for tourists.

8. ... they on the cycle rickshaw - haggle over the price but still pity rickshaw wallas' condition and g i ve him what he asked.

9. ... they glare at people who call Gol-Guppas- Pani Puri!

10. ... they always ask the vendor "Bhaiya yeh Gol-Guppe Aate ki hai ya Sooji ke?"

11. ... schooling is best is Delhi not because of CBSE but because......You've had school cancelled thrice due to cold in winters & summer vacations pre-poned due to sudden increase heat in Summers and at least two Rainy Day off during Monsoon.

12. ... they have been to a wedding at a Mehrauli farmhouse at least once.

13. ... they understand all important words in Punjabi & punjabi "helping verbs" like teri maa di, teri bahen di... oye madar ... oye bahen.....Almost every Delhiite understands Punjabi to an extent. PUNJABI unites everyone.

14. ... they call the waiter in the restaurant "boss" or "Pappey" & tack on "yaar"/ "bhai" to almost every sentence.

15. ... they know that Pappay Da Dhaba or Kakkay Da Hotel has better butter chicken than Taj.

16. ... they describe practically every other person on the planet as "Vella". (that’s 'Idle' in English or ‘Nikamma’ in Punjabi)

17. ... they see Middle Aged Aunties wearing Gucci shades and holding LV bags having Gol-Gappas in GK or Bhelpuri in South Ex along with Diet Coke !

18. ... they call every stranger 'Bhaiya' (Warning: Don’t try this in Mumbai!)

19. ... they refer to East Delhi as "Jamuna Paar".

20. ... they refer to AIIMS as Medical.


21.... pretty girls as Totta, Maal or Bamb (Punjabi for Bomb)

22. ... aashiq mizaz boys as Majnu di Aulad!

23. ... they don’t buy tickets for a music concert or cricket match, but try to use political contacts of the deputy secretary of the chief secretary of the Minister of State for Khadi – in fact they use "contacts" (jugad) for everything, from getting movie tickets to restaurant bookings to playschool admissions.

24. ... they overtake everyone from the wrong side and stare into his/her eyes while doing so.

25. ... they have at least two cars and a motorcycle at home.

26. ... they have fought at least once every month with neighbors over parking!

27. ... they park their Car and take an Auto-rickshaw to Lajpat nagar / rajouri/ kamla nagar/ karol bagh. But CP , you don’t get parking space easily , yet you go always in your own vehicle.

28. ...and then say Apni Kanvense (conveyance) howe na ta badi Kanvinyance (convenience) hondi hai ji!

29. ... they have hit 120 kmph at Nelson Mandela Marg and waited for midnight to do it.

30. ...they have bribed a traffic policeman at-least once - every month.

31. ... they know that a farmhouse has nothing to do with cattle or farming. It is luxurious hangout for whole night.

32. ... they have had Anda parantha outside Vikram hotel and Bun Omelet at Dhaula Kuan, Kulfi at Karol Bagh , Gol Gappe at India Gate, Dosa at Madras Hotel and Chaat at Chandini Chowk !

34. ... Metro rail is your Pride but you travel in your Car.

35. ... they call people from north east chinkis. (And we Indians complain of racist attacks in Australia!)

36. ... you think EVERY South Indian comes from ' Madras' and is Madrasi. (Read Chetan Bhagat’s “2 States” to understand this better!)

37. ...You feel indicating which way you are going to turn your vehicle is an information security leak.

38. ... you are a good driver coz you are correct in your guess of what the driver in the front vehicle will do.

39. ... the only time you went to the Chidiya Ghar (Zoo) was on a school picnic.

40. ....they expect around 10 FM STATIONS in every city!

41. ....and keep singing ..... Dilli hai Dil Walon ki.....Oye Balle Balle!

BSC: A tale of shoes, degrees and strategy!

Back in the day, BSC meant shoes - yes I am getting on and have walked the earth for many moons - but honestly anyone who grew up in the stiflingly socialistic unliberalised eighties will remember the white keds (or PT shoes) made by BSC (Bata Shoe Company) that you had to "polish" with chalk or else risk getting your ears boxed by your fat-ass PT teacher!


As one grew up and it was time to bid adieu to school, BSC was a degree that 'losers' who did not qualify for Engineering studied - of course before my time, BSC was a perfectly honourable graduation course to opt for - and one could specialise in sciences from zoology to physics! It is another story that in "competitive" exams, today's engineering hopefuls with telephone number ranks also get admission into an engineering course and go on to become engineers... perhaps on their way to becoming MBAs?

Anyway while we are on the subject on MBA, I must delve into how MBA changed my perspective for life... ignorance is bliss? Alas no more! For it was MBA that (regrettably?) introduced me BSC in a whole light - the demon called Balanced ScoreCard , "a performance management tool for measuring whether the smaller-scale operational activities of a company are aligned with its larger-scale objectives in terms of vision and strategy!" (Say What!?)

The demon has now come back to haunt me at work... must be karma for sleeping in class each time the professor droned on the subject! Damn you Kaplan & Norton...

Anyway here is an insider's take on strategy, vision, mission, goals, et all... enjoy! (My way of exorcising the demon... God Bless Scott Adams!)


Just so you know, Acronymfinder.com has 158 definitions of BSC - check it out here!