I'd got this email from a friend last week and found it to be absolutely hilarious!
The "Washington Post's Mensa Invitational" (scroll to the end for more info on this) asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the 2009 winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido : All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n..): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1. Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade , v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle , n.. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon , n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent , n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
However, when I tried to google up more such words from contests held previously, I had no luck - even at the Washington Postsite! Then I found this site... - do check it out!
Here's what the site has to say:
For years an email has been circulating about the “Washington Post's Mensa invitational” which includes a very clever list of words made by changing common words. The most recent email circulation listed the “2009 winners”. Those of you who have received this email probably noticed it was very similar to the “2008 winners”. In fact, they’re also very similar to many of the 1998 winners!
So, many, many years ago someone ran a contest and it’s been circulating on the internet ever since...
But hey, it’s a good idea. So we thought we’d collect words here.
Please feel free to post your words and definitions below. We’ll post anything that’s clean (meaning your very bright 7 year old can read it without you wincing). Once a year we’ll have a contest to determine the winners (with no scientific validity whatsoever).
If you want to enter the contest, feel free to “register” with your email. The only time we intend to email you is once a year to let you know the contest is running. We’re thinking about January 3rd, Victor Borge’s birthday…
THIS SITE IS NOT ASSOCIATED WITH THE WASHINGTON POST!
Don’t click around on the site, there are only two pages – this page and the page of words. Feel free to email this list anywhere you want. It’s not ours. We don’t own it. We haven’t copyrighted it. We don’t want to. We just want to have some fun with words...
- So go on, wordPLAY! :)